Stop Blaming Mom and Find Your Inner Strength

“Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still.” Nancy Friday

In the animal kingdom for the most part you are born and kicked out to be on your own fairly quickly. If you don’t get moving then you might even become the next meal.

I had beautiful little guppies as a little girl. I was self taught about them. One very pregnant guppy was struggling to give birth and I assisted her to get the stuck baby out and then 29 more followed. She was a very pregnant fish. The male in the tank started to eat the newborns, called fry, quickly. I hadn’t separated the mother out and should have. I was horrified and quickly scooped him out. The mother fish was in shock from the birth and she took a few minutes to recover. I removed her as well. I learned to separate the babies who were on their own at birth so they would have a chance.

Mothers give you life. A fallible mother gives you a chance. An outstanding mother gives you enough challenges and fears and love to keep you growing, watchful, and strong. It will also help you from not becoming bait.

Mother’s (parents) are people. They have their own issues and history. One person can not know all things. Fallible humans give birth and raise other fallible human beings and it is a cycle that goes on and on. There will always be challenges and individual perspective to those we give birth to or those we raise but who is to judge the damage?

You will never get well from your sh*t if you can’t take responsibility for it. If it is always your mother’s fault or someone else's then you have not yet matured enough to meet yourself. Go look in the mirror and say out loud, “Hello beautiful me. I am responsible for myself.” Call yourself into your power. You are a capable soul with eternal potential. Why limit it by staying put in the past of what you perceived happened? No thanks. Today I heal and take full responsibility for my life.

It is possible to forgive and to create a life of value and to learn from the mistakes or perceived mistakes of your mother or caretaker. It is probable that the person who influenced you did their best. We are not very good judges of each other. We have a limited perspective and high expectations for those we want to be different. I understand there can be very serious abuse and traumas from caretakers so please get professional help to process these deeper issues.

Do yourself a favor and outgrow the need to blame and to need your dysfunction to belong to someone else or to be their problem. Decide today that you are the one who will choose your own pathway and build your life on the solid foundation that you understand to be your truth. There are probably things both positive and negative that your mom taught you and both have added to your value as a person.

It is the things my mother didn’t give me that have made me strong.

You can build a case against the person who brought you into life or you can build a life with the time you have been given. What characteristics do you value in people? Do you have those qualities? Do you align with our own truths and do you find the power in forgiveness for those things that you feel you didn’t get?

It really doesn’t matter how crazy, dysfunctional, mean, addicted, abandoning etc your mom was because in the bigger picture you are a powerful being with immense light. You can now reparent yourself and be the difference that you need. In the end it is still your life to work with what you have been given. Find your personal power once again and let go of the blame.

Accept people for who they are. Practice forgiveness. Find the lessons and don’t pass on the experiences that hurt you.

Be responsible.

Here’s a simple two step process to help you stop blaming mom and start finding your inner strength.

Ask yourself: what do I dislike in myself that I got from my mother?

Then ask again: what do I love in myself that I got from my mother?

What you don’t like. Fix.

What you love. Share.

Only the brave and wise will do the work on themselves and let go of the pain, anger, resentment, and the stories that hold the heart in prison. If mom (or dad) were truly an evil, bad person then get help and work through the pain and hurt with a professional. The message is still the same however, you can make it better for yourself and holding to the past will never be the building blocks of the future.

Do the mirror affirmation. It will redesign your brain and ask those two questions of yourself. Decide today to do your own work and live the most full, wonderful life possible.

Stop blaming mom and find your inner strength today.

Blessings,

Rainbow

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