Breakup’s: Let’s Talk About It

Feb 2, 2020
5 min read

The road of relationships is bumpy. Some roads fork. Some have a sign that says, “Dead End.” Some roads wind around and seem to meander on for quite some time. Those relationship roads can be long, short, have many lanes or be way too narrow and hardly allow anyone to pass. The roads are all different. You are the common denominator in all your relationships. I teach that the primary relationship is with yourself. That relationship must be the strongest and that’s why I do what I do for a living. I want to help strengthen you so all your relationships are strong, healthy, and so that you don’t take abuse from anyone. You need boundaries. Your boundaries keep you safe. Abuse is way to common in relationships: yelling, selfishness, avoidance, name calling, or even worse physical endangerment. The first ones generally proceed the latter. If you are in an abusive relationship get help so you can leave it. Sometimes you can’t do it alone. Get help. You are worth it.

Breakups are painful. Science tells us that a relationship break up stimulates the brain in the same place as a broken femur. Wow a broken leg hurts as much as a break up!

It’s Valentine’s day soon and some people will be dealing with loss, loneliness, and possibly a break up. I too have gone through painful relationship endings. I am sharing a partial journal entry from a break up that the broken-hearted will be able to understand.

Let’s call him Memory as it is fitting that that’s what he is. A memory and not my now.

Dear Memory,

I think about you every day. I miss you deeply. I see you in my mind’s eye in your favorite t-shirt and I have a strong memory of how you looked on the weekends when you drank your coffee and looked out the window. You seemed far away and peaceful. I liked watching you.

I’m still in love with you but I realize that you could walk away from me and live without me. That is a clear indication that you were not ‘the one.’

I have learned some deep lessons about myself. I had a lot of pain to cry out. I have had to be strong for most of my life and hold in much of what has happened to me. When you walked away the dam broke open. The pain was so great and it opened me to all the other parts of myself I had shut away. I cried everyday. I have never felt so much pain. I hope I never do again.

I am stronger now.

I know you thought I was needy and that should have been a clue that what I wanted in a relationship was not a match to you. No one had to be wrong, we just weren’t right together.

Being with you was my wonderland I thought. I gave you way too much credit. I loved our phone calls and time together. I wish we could have just kept falling in love and then things would have magically worked out. I guess it was like asking Peter Pan to leave Neverland and it never would have happened, I suppose. I just didn’t know. You were confusing to me which tells me that I didn’t really know myself because then I wouldn’t allow you to mess with my mind.

I would have worked it out. I wanted to be with you. (This now makes me shake my head. I always gave too much. Bleak outcome in that mistake!)

I have cried it all out and I’ve made wonderful discoveries. I have healed many of my insecurities. I felt vulnerable with you and I shared probably way too much about me with you. You were the greatest joy in my life so far.

Now that’s an important part of this past journal entry. “The greatest joy in my life so far?” Loads of limiting beliefs back then. Don’t settle. Never, ever accept less than you deserve.

This breakup was the best step forward for me to gain access to me! The greatest joy was such a small sample of what is available for each of us. Truth is that I’m loyal to a fault and I would have worked it out and I have held on way too long in the past. Please trust that the greatest joy is yet to come! ALWAYS!

Trust your journey. Each stepping stone or person that you meet, love, partner with and for all the giving and loving you have shared is not lost. It is inside of you. It is your ruby slippers and that powerful love is what you grew and get to keep. It is the best part of you and please know that even when it hurts like hell it is evidence that the greatest joy is ahead of you. Keep moving forward.

It’s said it takes nine breakups to get out of a relationship with a narcissist. Holy smokes that’s a lot of pain. Shoulders back, chin up, hit the reset, be brave, say no, don’t take on what isn’t yours and be responsible for what is.

Find yourself again and build your own world and make it the strongest yet. You will learn the lessons and pass the test.

Keep your heart open too. Love may be just around the next corner, at a restaurant table nearby, it may find you in the most unusual situations because your life is going places! Remember too, that when you look in the mirror, you have found true love. Keep healing the relationship with yourself.

Breakup’s hurt. They are lost dreams. So dream new dreams.

Breakup remedies:

Breath essential oils: lavender, pine, spruce, orange, marjoram to name a few to elevate mood, enhance the immune system, and help you grieve.
Journal: get those feelings out of your mind and body and get them on paper. Feelings are just an expression and often of what we don’t understand. Get clarity.
Meditate: give your over thinking a break. Focus on your breath and feeling safe.
Affirmation: “I am a manifestation of love on earth. Good things follow my love and this path is in my best interest in the eternal scheme of the Universe. I am protected.”
Soak in the tub and cry. Put in pink Himalayan salt and detox out the pain. Crying resets the brain. Cry it out and clear the cells.
Practice gratitude and write down all that you have learned from life, this relationship and about yourself because you take you with you when it ends.
Stay off of social media and do not check on their life. Be in your own.